need some help on lyrics

[valvetronix]

heres a song ive been working on a day or two, any ideas for additional lyrics? or changes?

what about a name? i was thinking just 'devil' but its kinda cliche...

gonna do abit of a heavyer song this go around, as oppsed to all the straight acoustic stuff ive been doing

---

Devil

Devil wants his spot back on my shoulder
And that’s alright, yeah I guess that’s alright
Devil wants to lead me like the blind
And that’s alright, lead me outa mind

Well he aint gonna treat me wrong
For he its wrong or right
He knows I don’t need that for long

In line
Im looking for a fight

devil wants to lead me into darkness
And that’s all right cause I don’t need no light

Devil wants to fight me for my heart
And that’s alright cause ill tear him apart

See he aint gonna like it
When he tries to make me quit
The funerals gonna have no blood
I dont
I don’t even feel
Any of his shit

Devil came to see me in my nightmare
Well that’s alright atleast I got some sleep

Devil came to see me in my head
That’s alright, ill see him when im dead

Well he aint gonna take me now
He aint goona win
Cause he don’t get what I got

See I, I said I, will fuck around with him

[mrboston]

Well you might think of a more clever nickname for the Devil- he has MANY aliases after all. Without knowing the melody it's a bit tricky you know, but a verse with an actual interaction might work- like the Devil getting IN you somehow maybe- demonic possession. Think about what mythology says about the Devil:

He disagreed with God over the importance of Man
He seduces the greedy
He BUYS your soul, but the deal's ALWAYS stacked in HIS favor

So make the devil more appealing, have him make you a VERY tempting offer for your soul. Perhaps the classic Robert Johnson thing where he'll make you a great guitar player. Then don't tell the listener whether or not you TOOK the deal- then go out with the sickest solo you can manage- leave us guessing, lol.

[corso]

I think you should keep the title, but leave DEVIL out of the lyrics - to add an element of mystery.

In other words, replace the word DEVIL and HE with the word YOU, so it sounds like talking back to the devil without him being named.

You want to lead me like the blind
And thats alright, lead me outta mind

Heres how Id say it with the exact same number of syllabes in each line.

Lead me like the blind, you said it
Rollin down alright outta this mind

In all rock and blues lyrics the singer is either running 'from' the devil, or running 'with' the devil!

[valvetronix]

corso said:

I think you should keep the title, but leave DEVIL out of the lyrics - to add an element of mystery.

In other words, replace the word DEVIL and HE with the word YOU, so it sounds like talking back to the devil without him being named.

Im gonna think about this some more... I cant really play well enough to record right now from the chest tube, but i have the bassic melody and song structure down

[valvetronix]

Heres a recording of the song... Courtney played the solo and most of the electric, because i cant play without using a guitar stand, and my guitar stand dosent work with electrics... so

www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=4546900&q=hi

[emixolydian]

No wonder the guitar is so bad.

[emixolydian]

Im Jking, it was ok, it actually sound better in the song than it would if I just read the lyrics.

[valvetronix]

Courtney hardly plays anymore, just everyonce in awhile

[corso]

Well Damn!

Is this your day job?

If it isn't it should be.

[valvetronix]

lol no it isnt, but thanks

[sexymonkey]

Coolio. =)
I'd chime in on the lyrics, but I'm a horrid write- plus I can't sing, so what's the use eh?